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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Kind of a funny story

I have this horrible way of looking at things people do. I really, really do. Like yesterday. When Brittany text me saying she was in town and said she'd come visit me...I actually believed her. I saw that as a friend reaching out to me. All I wanted was a hug. That's it. One person to actually hug me. She said she'd come see me and I waited. She never showed. She stopped and seen Alisa, told Alisa she was headed to my house afterwards. No call. No text. No Brittany. So here I am, depressed as hell because my boyfriend is about to leave for bootcamp and what not and I won't be able to actually talk to him for 2 months, I'm depressed as hell, been crying all day, and my friend who said she'd come see can't even be bothered to show or even let me know she's not showing. Effectively making me feel like I'm not even worth a phone call, let alone a text or even a message on facebook. Glad to know I mean so much to some one. /sarcasm.

Alisa and I are still planning on going to the mall later, only sans baby. Her mom wants to spend some time with Z and Alisa just wants to spend time with me without having to take care of the baby. A few hour break from mommyness and socializing with me. We're going to be miserable together because she's having a bad day too.

I called and woke Angel up for the last time this morning. The last time until all this training is done and over with. I just want to cry. This is going to be so hard and seriously, I have no one in my life that really understands what I'm going through. Which, inevetibly, makes it harder.

He keeps telling me to try to be positive. That it's all going to be for the best and that we'll be together again soon. And that when he comes to get me, it'll be forever. And he's being so sweet and affectionate and it makes me cry and I feel awful for crying because it makes his voice crack and I know he's trying not to cry. He's trying to be strong for me. And me? I'm falling to pieces.

~

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