My Immortal and a Waking Nightmare

Five years ago today, I came back to Ohio after spending a week in Texas with my first love. This month also marks four years since our relationship fell apart and two years since I lost my dogs. Needless to say, this is really not my time of year anymore. And it fucking sucks. October used to be my favorite thing for so many reasons. Crisp weather, the leaves changing colors and spiraling to the ground, clear blue skies and Orion visible at night, not to mention Halloween and apple season. Instead, I've spent the last few years dreading everything to do with October because of Angel. It sounds stupid, I know, we've been over for four years, but I still have a hard time with that. I think it might be because I fell in love with him when I was sixteen (three years before we dated) and I had really thought we had something. I can honestly say that I have not let anyone that close since him and that is a terrible thing. There's a sort of loneliness lurking inside of me and I…

Sing me something soft

Go figure, I vanished for a whole year again. Well, a year, a month and three days. Oops? I'd say I'm sorry, but the truth is, I simply keep forgetting I still have this thing. Life's funny like that, I suppose. A few updates of importance have occurred, but not many. I moved into a new apartment back in December after the old one was deemed unsafe for people to live in. I was promoted to full time at work (yes, I am still working at Wendy's) and that's actually a good thing because it gives me financial stability. My little brother lives with his girlfriend and is doing pretty damn well for himself and that's really about it. I keep thinking I should delete this with how little I use it, but there are a lot of memories of on here and I am awful at deleting anything. My fuck ton of accounts on tumblr are proof of that one. So, I guess I should just try to use this more often. By the way, why are most of my readers from Russia? Because that's actually s…
Well now, it has been a long ass time since I was last on here. Guess I really ought to update just so you guys know I'm still alive. A quick recap: Single Living alone-ish (I have a cat named Loki) Parentals divorced Mom's dating a woman Dad's dating anything with tits My little brother graduates high school today My sister is well My niece is now three (and loves zombies) My older brother is going to be a dad Working fast food makes me hate people more than I already did RPing on tumblr That is literally my life these days. Although, there might be something wrong with me. Either my work shoes are fucking me over or there's something wrong with my right leg. The latter being totally possible since my hips are set kinda funky. There's nothing else to really report, I suppose. ~Sie out.

X-Men :D

part one
So, I've been pretty much in love with X-Men most of my life. But I've always been pretty quiet about it..except when forced to watch those shitty fucking love action movies(they make me RAGE). I've recently decided that I want to cosplay Rogue professionally. And I don't mean half assed, wigs and shit. I mean, I want to make all the outfits by hand, cut my hair to match hers and bleach the front white. My natural hair color is same as her's so that's an easy one

part two
So, we're making this huge group for our X-Men cosplay and narrowing down which costumes from which X-Men series.
We have Astonishing Emma Frost and Scott "Cyclops" Summers
Legacy Rogue
The rest haven't told me what outfits they want but we have
Remy "Gambit" LeBeau
Kitty "Shadowcat" Pryde
and one undecided (Either Mystique or Nightcrawler)

Instead of getting a wig, I will be actually dying my hair to match Rogue's. My poor bangs are going to hat…

How the Years Go By

Happy first birthday to my beautiful, amazing niece, Zoey. I love you so much, baby girl and there is NOTHING I won't do for you...That being said, totally smashing cake in your face later..because I love you ♥

Strange to think my little niece is 1 already. Seems like just yesterday I was holding her in the hospital, trying not to cry because of just how beautiful she was and still is. This last year, through everything good and bad, she has been a constant. A reason to smile, a reason to live for. She saved my life when I hit the bottom of my emotions. I love that little girl more than anything in this world. So, again, happy birthday Baby Girl. Your Auntie Sie Sie loves you so much <3

I'm not okay

I keep looking at the day and just...falling apart. 5 days from now, the one man I truly loved was supposed to ask me to marry him. At least, that's what he told my mother in September. 8 days from now, I was supposed to be moving. I was supposed to be moving to Texas to live with him. I was supposed to be happy.
I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of the constant pain. I just want to let go, move on completely and never look back.

Fuck. Everything.

Starry Nights

Hello guys, I know it's been a bit of time since I gave a real update on here. Things with Ryan are going well. Even though I'm a complete and total mess, he's super patient and understanding and sweet. But, with his work schedule, he hasn't been able to come down and see me yet. Which sucks, but I'm glad he has a job.
I just feel so lonely. I haven't been held or cuddled since August. I miss being wrapped up in someone's arms, feeling safe and warm and wanted. I miss the life I had. I miss him. Even though I'm with someone new, I still miss him. I probably always will. I gave him so much of myself and he broke me. Ryan wants to help me pick the pieces up and put everything back together.
Rachelle asked me Tuesday what I would do if Angel called and wanted me back. I told her, honestly, I don't know. I really don't.

But...I'm gonna go before I start sobbing.