Friday, January 8, 2010

You're never far away from me

I've been looking through the years and crying at the memories. How much we've been through as a whole, as a group, as a family, as sperate parts of the whole. Because we are. We are a whole, a group, a family. We're beaten and battered and bruised. We've fallen, we've collapsed, pulled it together and relapsed. And some how, through it all, we're still here, still standing, still fighting, still holding on and still together. We've overcome more than most, seen more, cried more.
But we've also laughed more. Learned so much in such a short span of time. We learned not to take each other for granted and that friendship can survive anything if you put your heart into it. I'm learning to be a better friend. And I've got to tell you, I do have regrets. But I'm working on those too. There were some bridges that I burned and scattered the ashes over the water. And for those, I'm glad. They were never really worth it in the end. There are bridges that I cut down and later found the pieces washed up on shore. I'm putting it back together, but it's still strained at moments. It turns out that some of the parts that looked like wood were stone and steel and held without bending or breaking. And I am grateful. Grateful to you all. And thankful, gods yes, thankful. You've shown me the trueness of my depth and the depth of love and compassion. I am a better person because of you and a harder person as well. I would have and continue still to walk the edge for you. I would kill for you, die for you and even walk away if I thought it was the right thing to do.

We're like music on the water. Drifting lazily, being taken by the currents. Sometimes our notes are in harmony and sometimes they're far apart in the storm. But we're still there, you only have to reach for us. Jump and we'll catch you, fall and we'll pick you up.
I love you all. Even though sometimes I don't show it. I guess that's life's fault. I never learned how to be a friend when I was a kid. Too many days of coming home and sobbing, wishing it would all stop. You guys saved me and taught me. And you have been more than I deserve. More than I could ever say. I'm trying, and some days it seems in vain but then there are the days, the days that you call me after phone curfew and just want to talk, to laugh, to scream, cry or reminisce.

We're going to make it. We're going to ok. No, we're not going to be ok. We're going to be amazing.

I love you. Remember that always.
<3 Me.