Sunday, January 30, 2011

I still hear your voice when you sleep next me... boyfriend joined the Army. I am terrified, proud, upset, confused, worried. I'm pretty much a mess over it. I am so afraid of him getting hurt, of becoming some one I don't know. Of being broken. We find out Wednesday when he goes to basics. We've been talking about getting married in the next year and a half to two years. His mom is excited for that. So am I. I want to marry him, I want to spend my life with him. I mean, I love him. I truly do. And I miss him like crazy.

It's been a bad morning. I miss my godmother. The fact that she won't be able to be at my wedding, won't get to hug me and tell me she's proud of hurts. I have so much going on in my life right now, amazing things, and I feel so lost because she's not here to share it with me. And I hate it, I fucking hate that she's gone. Her birthday is in 11 days. It's going to be sad day. I'm going to be a mess. I'm still so broken inside because of it. Losing her was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm still lost without her...

I'm beginning to repair another old friendship. I'm talking to Tabby again. Her kids are so damn cute.

My sister is loving being a new mommy. Zoey is beautiful.

My cousin's wife is pregnant. Her pre-cancerous cells have returned. Uterin cancer. The doctors are optimistic. She might not be able to carry any other babies. We are hoping for the best; a healthy baby and a healthy momma.

Other than that..nothing.