Friday, September 3, 2010

Close your eyes and pretend I'm by your side

I'm counting days like heartbeats and butterfly wings. 33 to go and I'm losing my mind with this anticipation and these nerves.
Work is going eh. We've been pretty slow on the nights that I work and it sucks. But what sucks more is when they schedule me on a monday after me doing third shift on the weekends. I am so exhausted by the time I get off on Monday that I feel sick. I was so pissed, you have no idea. :(
Things with Angel are still pretty amazing. I'm still trying to get used to having a man in my life (outside of my Papa) that actually cares about me. It's a weird feeling. I'll probably never overcome the damage inflicted by Charlie or by Dave (bio dad and step-dad, respectively). Charlie abandoned me when I was a baby. Made it quite clear to me by the age of 3 that he wanted nothing to do with me. I, as a child, often wondered what I had done wrong. Was I bad? Was it my fault that daddy didn't love me? Then Dave, the man I have called dad since I was 4 and half, has emotionally abused me for most of my life. Recently, he's been starting to get pretty close to physical with my 15 year old, little brother. He lays a finger on that kid, and his ass is going to jail. Mark my words on that one. I am not seeing my little brother go through that kind of shit. It's getting to the point where Davey doesn't even want to be around him. Davey is his biological son and he still treats even him like shit. I don't know why my mom puts up with it. If Angel did anything like that, he'd be lucky to wake up at all the next morning.
But anyways, I don't have to worry about Angel being like that. He's a great guy and he's gone through that kind of shit. He knows the pain it causes. I love Angel, I really do. I can't wait to see him. 33 days. Just over a month. <3 <3 <3

Other news...
I went up to the school for a little bit last night and got to see some of my old teachers. Davey was a little shocked. He thought I was joking when I said I knew almost every teacher in the English and Social Studies departments. :) Went and seen Mr. Drake as well. He's the photography teacher and honestly one of my favorites. It was cool to see everyone again. I also got to see Davey's girlfriend Becca. I can honestly say I'm proud of my little brother on that one. She's cute and has an actual body. The girl has curves. She's not a stick figure. Good little brother, not following the average American male and wanting a size double zero girl.

Well, I'm out.
Later Loves,

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Don't be stupid, your know love ya

Alisa is definatly having a little girl! Woo! I was right!
Angel is still the most amazing man ever, in my heart. I spend most of my time talking to him and I can honestly say I'm falling in love with him. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him.
Things with Brittany are a lot better than they were this time last year. I hung out with her a few weeks back and we had an amazing time.
Ashlynn, however, is another story all together. I am DONE with her. I am tired of trying. 2 and a half years. I have tried for 2 and a half fucking years and I can't do it anymore.
Watched all of Wolf's Rain and sobbed like a baby today. The deaths of the characters I loved so much was painful. I never want to watch the ending of that again.
Now, I'm talking shop with Neal and waiting for Angel to call later.
43 more days until Texas. <3

Later Loves,

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

On the subject of my life

Well, I know it has been some time since I updated all of you lovely people on my life.
I am still working at the diner, even though I am really beginning to hate my job. I am still in Toledo, although not for long.
My best friend, Alisa, is pregnant with a little girl. We found out yesterday the gender of the baby and today is her 19th birthday. We had a decent last two days, very lazy and calm. Lots of NCIS.
I am dating an amazing man named Angel. It will be three months this month. I have known him for almost 3 years and I'm going to Texas for a week in October for his birthday. And to meet his family. Then he's coming here in December to go to the Lights Before Christmas at the Toledo Zoo with me and to meet my family. That poor guy doesn't know what he's gotten himself into. If everything keeps on going to the way it is, I'm moving in with him at the end of January. I am so excited.

Well, I'm off to bed, kiddies.


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Stupid bitches.

Go. Read it. Laugh at the first entry and it's utter amazingness. It makes me grin like a fool.

Love from the Silence,

Friday, April 2, 2010

Sing me something soft, sad and delicate

Or loud and out of key...

So, I set something into motion today that i really didn't want to. But I knew I had to. I love her to death, but she makes me feel so lost sometimes. she's my best friend and most of the time, she ignores me. So I gave her an ultimatum. Now, it's all up to chance.

I'll keep you posted.

With love from,

...Sing me anything.

Baby, It's three AM I must be lonely

Listening to the music from the Lion King right now and thinking about the way things turn out.
Ryan looked me up on myspace. My Ryan. The one guy that I NEVER got over. I know, it's been 5 years since I was with him. I was a kid then, he was the first guy to be there for me and I think I will always carry him in my heart.
It's wierd to think about all the ways you change over the years and to see who remembers you and who forgets all about you.

Work is going pretty well. I got to wear my kick ass red lipstick today and my bosses loved it. Got to kind of watch Fringe and Bones. Next week, I am setting Gran's DVR to record Fringe at the very least. I LOVE that show. Castle on monday was FANTASTIC. I love that show too. I think I watch too much TV.

Well, I'm out for now.

Later Loves,

Thursday, March 25, 2010

On the philosophy of my boobs.

Interesting title, I know. I was wearing a low cut shirt at work Monday and this older woman complained about my boobs. It was funny as hell because my Gran and my boss decided that I should wear slutty stuff to work. As long as my nipples and what not are not showing. I laughed. A lot. That lady was just jealous because my boobs are nice and hers are not.
My little cousin got into a car accident last night. Other car ran a stop sign and Nichole tried to swerve to miss them but still ended up hitting them. The van is totalled. Nichole, however, is fine. A little bruised and more than a little freaked out. I'm just glad that she wasn't hurt.
Today is my mom, Jody's, birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! even though you'll never ever read this. I'll only get to see her for a couple minutes today when she comes into work to get her turtle cheesecake that Mike and Tim are saving a piece of.
I had so many more things I wanted to say on here right now, but I have work in 15 minutes so I really need to be getting off of here. I'll try to add more stuff when I get back.

Later Loves,

Sunday, March 21, 2010

And you will fall IN LOVE with the moonlight

So come on, come on and say so...

So, since the last time we talked on here I
Got a boyfriend.
Turned 19.
Ended things with said boyfriend.
Got a job.
I guess thats' all the really happened.

So in other news...How the hell are you?

xD Just kidding. I think I've been going crazy. Well, that's kind of normal, I guess. I've been so tired of late and basically living at my grandma's house is hell. Total fucking hell. I miss my bed, my mom, my dogs, my cat. I miss my house in general...for the most part.
Fuck it, I really need to go to bed because I have work at 8 in the freaking morning. >.<

Good night, Loves.

Friday, January 8, 2010

You're never far away from me

I've been looking through the years and crying at the memories. How much we've been through as a whole, as a group, as a family, as sperate parts of the whole. Because we are. We are a whole, a group, a family. We're beaten and battered and bruised. We've fallen, we've collapsed, pulled it together and relapsed. And some how, through it all, we're still here, still standing, still fighting, still holding on and still together. We've overcome more than most, seen more, cried more.
But we've also laughed more. Learned so much in such a short span of time. We learned not to take each other for granted and that friendship can survive anything if you put your heart into it. I'm learning to be a better friend. And I've got to tell you, I do have regrets. But I'm working on those too. There were some bridges that I burned and scattered the ashes over the water. And for those, I'm glad. They were never really worth it in the end. There are bridges that I cut down and later found the pieces washed up on shore. I'm putting it back together, but it's still strained at moments. It turns out that some of the parts that looked like wood were stone and steel and held without bending or breaking. And I am grateful. Grateful to you all. And thankful, gods yes, thankful. You've shown me the trueness of my depth and the depth of love and compassion. I am a better person because of you and a harder person as well. I would have and continue still to walk the edge for you. I would kill for you, die for you and even walk away if I thought it was the right thing to do.

We're like music on the water. Drifting lazily, being taken by the currents. Sometimes our notes are in harmony and sometimes they're far apart in the storm. But we're still there, you only have to reach for us. Jump and we'll catch you, fall and we'll pick you up.
I love you all. Even though sometimes I don't show it. I guess that's life's fault. I never learned how to be a friend when I was a kid. Too many days of coming home and sobbing, wishing it would all stop. You guys saved me and taught me. And you have been more than I deserve. More than I could ever say. I'm trying, and some days it seems in vain but then there are the days, the days that you call me after phone curfew and just want to talk, to laugh, to scream, cry or reminisce.

We're going to make it. We're going to ok. No, we're not going to be ok. We're going to be amazing.

I love you. Remember that always.
<3 Me.