Silence is Serenity

Who missed the crimson apple? Here I am on another cold and desolate early morning. I should go to sleep, but every time I close my eyes, it's the same dream. The same face I see. The same face I've seen night after night, year after year. Like a haunting melody that you can't get out of your head. Maybe, I think to myself, I'm not cut out for this life. Maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be. But if it's not, then why am I here? And if it's not one thing, it's another. If it's not the dreams, it's my family. How my dad damn destroyed our lives with his drinking problems. I don't give a fuck how long he's been sober (2 years and some odd months), I will never forgive him for what he put us all through. I will never forgive him for making my mom cry and I will always hate him with some little peice of me for it. I will never forgive him for the way he always made sure his friends and shit knew I was his step daughter when most of my...

So, it has been a really long time since I posted a damn thing on here and I felt the time was right... My life as of this moment: 1. Codie. That is one hell of a complicated situation. How did I end up in a love triangle this time? Working at haunted houses of course. But Codie is seriously great. Fucking amazing guy and we're supposed to hang out tomorrow if point 2 doesn't bite me in the ass. 2. I think my parents are going to get a divorce. Mom found out that dad cheated on her a month ago. I haven't seen my mom this pissed in years. She is going for full force destruction mode. 3. I've been sick off and on for over a month and am getting really pissed about it. On the plus side...well, there really is no plus side on that. 4. I called and said Happy Birthday. I was shaking when I did, terrified. Gods know I've been a bitch. But I meant what I said, whether I'm believed or not. It wasn't a joke. Hmm, nothing else really to say other than you assholes bet...

Give me novaciane... Holy hell, it has been a long ass time since I updated on here. Well, Ellie moved to Virginia for college and Alisa is now living in Detroit. Me? I'm still trying to get a job so I can get a car so I can get to college. Not to mention, pay for college. I talked to Joey and Kanna for a while today. I'm at my grandma's...dog sitting, oh the joy. I cut all ties with Brittany, so I never have to deal with that skeezy bitch again. I graduated, much to the displeasure of my underclassmen army. They're a bunch of good kids and they're gonna be fine...they just don't realize that yet. I've got a good feeling about that bunch. I plan on getting two new tattoos in the very near future. The names/words Hugin and Munin on my wrists with black feathers. Eventually, I'm going to get a wolf and dream catcher design on my inner shoulder. It's like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind... I'm hitting point where I just don't care any more. I...

WOW! Look, I'm still alive! I graduated saturday! No more high school! I've been with Alisa since Friday and I go home on Thursday. Hmm, other news..I found a really long list that I'm about to add on to here...the list of 1001 books to read before you die. I've read some of them... LIST!!!!! Never Let Me Go – Kazuo Ishiguro Saturday – Ian McEwan On Beauty – Zadie Smith Slow Man – J.M. Coetzee Adjunct: An Undigest – Peter Manson The Sea – John Banville The Red Queen – Margaret Drabble The Plot Against America – Philip Roth The Master – Colm Tóibín Vanishing Point – David Markson The Lambs of London – Peter Ackroyd Dining on Stones – Iain Sinclair Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell Drop City – T. Coraghessan Boyle The Colour – Rose Tremain Thursbitch – Alan Garner The Light of Day – Graham Swift What I Loved – Siri Hustvedt The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time – Mark Haddon (This one I started to read like two or three years ago and just never finished it) Islands...

I was pretending to be asleep so I wouldn't have to let brittany in. I fucking hate her and she doesn't even know. Alisa's John agrees with me. I wanted to shoot that girl in the face so badly. GH today was pretty good. School was okay. We had the Epic Writing Battle today. 6 page poem, fuck yeah seaking. Current music:werewolves of London-Warren Zevon Current mood: I will break your fucking face Current quote: life's a bitch then you die. You're a bitch, when will you die?

I feels os freaking dead right now. I tried to go to bed at 1 this morning...didn't work. I got maybe two hours of sleep and right now, I just want to kill something. I might have been able to sleep better if not for the fact that is so damned hard to get comfy with Brittany's dumb ass around. I still can't breath :( Current mood:tired, sick and pissed Current music:Standing outside the fire-Garth Brooks Current quote:"You should see what comes up when you type "Death" into a search engine."-SpencerReid.

I fucking hate her. I play nice because she lives with Mistress, but otherwise, I hope she fucking dies. And then her and David would not shut the fuck up during the season finale of Criminal Minds. I was sooo not a happy person. On the plus side, I have a Tom to talk to ^-^ And the finale was amazing. School is almost done and over with. Still a little freaked over that. Tom is going to be in a fancy art show! I am sooo proud of him, you have no idea. Current mood: Sick but okay Current music: Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden Current quote: And the moon never beams without brining me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee; and the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes of the beautiful Annabel Lee... Later Loves ~RJ

I've been staying with Alisa and John since Friday and it has been great. It'd be better if Brittany would go the fuck away. I've talked to Tom every single day/night. Had to wake up really early thus morning though :( Yesterday we went to ceder point, rode two rides, played two games and decided we were done. We were cold, bored and mostly, we were just tired. Other news...nothing. Current Mood: Sleepy Current Music: Lullaby-Shawn Mullins ~RJ

Oh the weekend. I was at my aunt Debbie's for the entirety of it. She was having a yard sale so I went and helped her. And I listened to music the entire time. I mad a few new "friends" on vampirefreaks and updated DA for the amusement of Jrax. Other news, I was late for school today due to over sleeping. I set my alarm clock, I just never turned it on. ~RJ P.S When the hell did Darren Hayes come out of the closet and why am I just now finding out about this?

So, I have like 10 days left of school. Freaks me the hell out. I know it's been awhile, we had no home room at all this week do to the schedule we're on. We finished Macbeth and watched a really bad movie of it. What else is new? Nothing really. Wanting to Kill Alisa's mom, but that's kind of normal for me. Well, I'm out ~RJ

kkfv dji ohtioj grkjowt smjkgr Wolverine movie is epically amazing. ~RJ

I am spending the weekend with Alisa face and she has offered to teach me how to play WoW. I am sooooo excited. I didn't get to go to the Evans Blue show last night, but that's okay. I watched Criminal Minds with mom instead. It was a great episode, sad though. It had Alex O'Loughlin from Moonlight in it...he was the killer. Other news...I might go and see the new X-Men movie this weekend!!!!! So excited. Other than that, I might have to brutally threaten a sophmore kid. I don't like this girl, she's a little bitch and she made my Torrie cry. No one makes me underclassmen cry except me. I had Mr. Shock as a substitute yesterday....so happy. He is soo gorgeous. Later Loves ~RJ and we nicknamed Princess's girlfriend "Slagathor" THANK YOU BOB KELSO!!!!

So I figured out what I'm going to do about the weekends events...nothing. It is not worth it to destroy my little brother like that. Also, he is the clingy possesive type. I don't do clingy possessive. Tried that once and wanted to kill the guy. So save your scissors for some one else's skin... I've been thinking a lot lately of the past 4 or so years. And much as some people think I should, I don't regret Ryan. Honestly, I know they all hated him, but he was the best thing for me at the time, even if it didn't look like it. gotta go ~RJ

I am so confused right now...am I dating it or not? And if so, how the hell am I going to explain this to my parents and how is he going to tell his mom? And how the hell is Davey going to act about this? We've known eachother for like...11 years and last night was the first time anything had ever happened. So he's 16. So what? It's only 2 years. And how no one saw this coming, even the two of us, is a little beyond me. Alisa, you know what I'm talking about and you're the only one who will read this and have it make perfect sense. You drop a coin into the sea and shout out "Please come back to me!" You name your child after your fear and tell him "I have brought you here."... I am, of course, with Alisa and we're kinda watching Death at a Funeral. My mommy got me more Sunkist AKA "Nector of the GODS". We went to the point today because I needed to think and being by the lake calms me the fuck way down. School is going okay, I guess...

and shout out "please come back to me!" You name your kids after your fears and tell them "I have brought you here."... So yesterday was the first day in a few weeks that I didn't spen with Alisa. It was kind of...nice to have some time on my own. I worked on cleaning my room for a while, gathered some more flowers for the alter and took care of my ivy plant. Which reminds me, I'm attempting to grow an ivy plant in my room. Next week there's a concert I may or may not be going to...Evans Blue at headliners. I haven't been to headliners since September '06. Wow...I really watch way too much General Hospital....>> In other news...I missed the revelation of who Hans is...My friend Sam is dating a guy that her and Ms. Finley call Hans. They tell nothing about him except enough to keep me interested in who is he..Matt blew it yesterday and I wasn't listening. I felt so jipped. HAPPY 445TH BIRTHDAY WILLIAM SHAKESPEAR!!!!!!!! ~RJ

What we have watched since the last time this was updated... Kabluey My Sweet Suicide Meet Bill Vampire Diary I Want Candy Margo at the Wedding Imagination Succubus, Hell Bent French Twist P.S Your Cat is Dead R.S.V.P did not work and some movie that was never put on because the screen was all NO! We also watched Two Towers and Return of the King over the weekend which made me uber happiness. We also watched Wrist Cutters for the thousandth time. Alisa and I went to a bridal shower for her cousin or whatever and I have never more in my life wanted to start heroin...My family just makes me want to drop acid. Her family...heroin. I so kicked a 6 year olds ass at guitar hero. I was actually proud of myself for that because we were on the same level and he owns the game...I hadn't played in like 6 months or more. Also, I so did Kenny's make up over the weekend. Nothing else to say, So I am off to the main movie board!! ~RJ

We got through a few more movies... Prey for Rock and Roll...not nearly as cool as I thought it would be Funny Games...one of the best fucking movies I have ever seen. Trust me, it is hilarious. The Tattooist...just a good as I thought/hoped it would be Scotland, PA...it was pretty good, not on my top list, but still good none the less. In other news...nothing! How about that? Last night's Criminal Minds was a repeat. Fringe on Tuesday was pretty much epic, I expect nothing less. I missed Scrubs and most of Better of Ted. I watched last week's Lost because I taped it. I'm going to watch last night's tonight. I have to get back into the loop. Tomorrow is the Day of Silence. Want to know more about it? go to www.dayofsilence.org see ya loves, RJ

We rented 18 movies yesterday. We had to go back to school TODAY. We so did not think this through. This is why we can't do things without supervision even though I'm 18 and she's 17 going on 18. Damn are we dumb. The two we watched last night: Rise: Blood Hunter Kettle of Fish both were okay, not in my top 20 though. a few of the top 20 1.Donnie Darko 2.King of California 3.Eulogy 4.Wristcutters 5.The Lost Boys 6.Ferris Buehler's Day Off I'll add the rest of this list at a later time. ~RJ

I wanted to say that I've been doing a lot of thinking today...but that would have been a lie and, well, I don't know. Now, don't get me wrong, I like lying, I am good at it, but I prefer not to if I can help it. Harper's Island started thursday night and it was pretty good. The new episode of Dollhouse was great, but now I have to wait 2 weeks for the next one. 11th hour had its season finale. Cupid started, it's pretty good. Other than that...Criminal Minds and Fringe...and we all know I adore both shows. Prom is fastly approaching, We got Pat his suit yesterday. It looks spiffy. Not much else to say. Watching Flubber. ~RJ

They unblocked this at school?!!!!!!!! Woooooowwwwww....this was blocked for so long I didn't think they would ever unblock...and now that I have said that, it will be blocked again in about a week. ~RJ

SO I know it has been a freaking long ass time since I did a damn thing on here...spent the weekend with Alisa-face. Listening to Neverending White Lights because they make me happy and watching Madagascar. I love those penguins. I am totally on Twitter now too. She took the gas and matches away from me. I am so sick of Repo! right now you have no idea. Ashlee fucking faked her amnesia. Lance died. Lance was like a super hero to me when I was a kid. And Richard is afraid of midgets. Tabby Cat will be having Lacey soon and life is spiraling quickly out of control. Brad and Amee, I hope you fucking rot for the bullshit you pulled and I hope like hell you realize that we don't want you in our family anymore. I have to go home, kiddies ~RJ

So, the last month of my life has sucked fucking balls. Feb 25, my uncle Don loses his two year battle with cancer. Feb 28, I turned 18. March 1, my uncle's funeral. About a week after that, my friend Britt had a seizure in school. And last weekend? Fox fell and hit her head twice and now has amnesia. Isn't life great? The new show Dollhouse is every bit as great as I thought it would be. Criminal Minds is rocking out and I am soooo going to lollapalooza this year because Depeche Mode is playing it. More to come when I'm not in a zone of being awake for about 20 hours straight.

So I am still alive, as shocking as that may be. The school computers blocked this page so I haven't had a chance to do a damn thing. I am not really working on Nightcore anymore because I just can't get it to flow right. In other news, nothing. ~RJ